i'm sorry i haven't a clue best jokes i'm sorry i haven't a clue best jokes
Then I thought, thats what often happens in the recordings., One of its new stars, Pippa Evans, remembers a mad lockdown recording, where Barry Cryer kept taking his headphones off and we couldnt get his attention. I went to the pub quiz the other night first question was, What the f**k are you looking at?, Wish someone would contact me about all the other crap Ive been missold., People who are pro-smacking children say, Its the only language they understand. You could apply that to tourists., At this time of year, if your bin men knock on the door and give you a Christmas card, its traditional to tear it up and say What did you come here for? 12/04/20 - 13:16 #53. We are no longer accepting comments on this article. 34 of Lee Evans funniest jokes and quotes The 28 funniest Greg Davies jokes and quotes The keeper said if he caught Colin throwing them at the ducks again, he'd call the police. . The programme is known for its ridiculous rounds and games, such as Mornington Crescent and Word Disassociation played completely for laughs by the panellists who, to the untrained eye, might appear at first to be playing for points. He became quite frail towards the end and it was obvious he was frustrated by his own body giving up on him. 41 of Stewart Francis most ingenious jokes and one-liners I'M SORRY I HAVEN'T A CLUE. again, so he's had to come on his bike. This is the game where the team are presented with the first half of memorable quotations to finish off: Twas brillig, and the slithy toves did gyre and gimble in the wabe. 26 of Stewart Lees most gloriously acerbic jokes ", "Well with Mickey Mouse's big hand pointing upwards and Goofy's tail pointing downwards, I realise my Rolex is a fake. Each show is hosted in a particular town around the UK and includes an introduction with trivia-based-jokes about the host town. Lyttelton's Britain: A User's Guide to the British Isles As Heard On BBC Radio's I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue, by Iain Pattinson, is published by Preface. Back in the day I seem to remember hearing one of the team saying that when Humphrey passed on (for he was the oldest) they'd end the programme as a mark of respect, and also on the basis that no-one could replace Lyttleton. All-night sitting I shouldnt have had those oysters. This page was last edited on 1 February 2023, at 00:16. In fact, I have a cutting here from Jazz Monthly magazine, written by their top reviewer. I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue is greatest radio comedy, says panel Read more For his first 17 years as producer, says Naismith, he "was the only one to hear the show before it went out".. People often talk of the rich, slightly posh, authoritarian tone of Humph's voice. 41 of David Mitchells funniest jokes and quotes I like to ring them up, and play the sound of running water down the phone., Ive had my run-ins with booze; its well documented. ", "You'll be accompanied on the piano by Colin Sell, one of the finest musicians of the dayof course, when night comes, something seems to desert him. It was like being at the golf club, she says. Dear Arch Druid of Wiltshire, You are hereby advised that planning permission has been denied for the erection of a large henge of stone. Introduced as "the antidote to panel games", it consists of two teams of two comedians "given silly things to do" by a chairman. Aren't they a bunch of bastards, all that finger up the. Perhaps encouraging complaints about schoolboy humour was the fact that despite the early inclusion of Jo Kendall the stand-out panellists were for a long time blokes. Derry Girls: 35 of the funniest quotes and one-liners In fact, I don't think anyone ever did complain. Jack Dee hosts the self-styled antidote to panel games. 50 Edinburgh Fringe one-liners that deserved to win Funniest Joke Yours etcetera, Dear Leonardo da Vinci, Scrub the sitting Ive got to go to the dentist. Barry was Old School; in his stand up act he told jokes. Following the death of Humphrey Lyttelton in 2008, the show used regular guest panellists Stephen Fry, Jack Dee and Rob Brydon as guest presenters for the 51st series, before choosing Jack Dee as the permanent chairman the following series. 25 of Lee Macks wittiest jokes and one-liners But, at 12.52 on a Thursday afternoon, a Radio 4 punchline landed the most taboo word in broadcasting using Clues signature trick of blue-chip filth where the rudeness isnt visible on the script, but is made audible in the delivery. Orbison, of course, was nicknamed 'The Big O', and in turn, he affectionately referred to Colin as 'That Little C'", "Piano accompaniment will be provided by Colin Sell, who tells me that his musical influences are Middle-Eastern in origin mostly Shi'ite!". The five funniest games from I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue Hilarious, embarrassing, and bizarre challenges set by the chairman, Jack Dee. . " the man who put the C into rap music Colin Sell! Something wrong there. Yours sincerely, Mrs. Trellis, Dear Womans Hour: Why waste money on baby-naming books when all the names you need can be found in the telephone directory? m. madrigal. 100 pun-based jokes that will make you laugh and cringe I hate people who think its clever to take drugs like custom officers. So says John Lloyd, brains behind Blackadder, QI, Spitting Image, and so much besides - all shows with a massive debt to I'm Sorry I'll Read That Again and I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue. Condition: Very Good Very Good. Clued out former long-serving panellists Barry Cryer and Willie Rushton. 'Risky, rude, brilliantly written and superbly performed' The Judges, Sony Radio Academy Award This second treasury contains over 30 hilarious editions of the awar d-winning 'antidote to panel games', first published as I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue Volumes 1 0 to 15, I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue . And Barry Cryer, much to the relief of listeners, claims I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue won't be changed or supressed, and says the row over smutty jokes has died down. I live next door to this 84-year-old woman, do you know, not once has she come round to see if Im all right. 50 of Jimmy Carrs funniest jokes and one-liners She tells me she's got a man coming round who's keen to inspect her . 39 of the greatest Brass Eye and Day Today quotes Because then you can say, if you think thats dirty, thats your mind not our words.. Yours etc., Mrs. Trellis. ", "As the frisky tomcat of fate confronts the scalpel of destiny, and the precious natural woodland of time meets the motorway extension of eternity", "As the Ford Anglia of time fails the MOT test of eternity, and the dappled donkey of fate ambles toward the abbetoir of destiny", "Well as the delicate mayfly of time collides with the speeding windscreen of fate, and the angry wasp of destiny flies up the trouser leg of despair", "As the loose boweled pigeon to time swoops low over the tourist of destiny, and the unlicensed mini-cab of fate gets lost in the one-way system of eternity", "As the short-sighted rhino of time attempts to mount the VW beetle of eternity, and the rubber glove of hope gets lost in the Aberdeen Angus of destiny", "As the great tit of time nibbles through the gold top of eternity, and the unseen mouse droppings of fate nestle in the Crunchy Fruit and Nut muesli of destiny", "As the rogue purple underpants of time begin their assault on the whites-only wash cycle of destiny, and the twin buttocks of fate are sucked into the malfunctioning chemical toilet of eternity", "As the armpit hair of time is snagged in the ball deodorant of destiny, and the Harpic of eternity spills unseen onto the loo roll of fate", "As the red red robin of time goes bob-bob-bobbing under the snow plough of destiny, and the sage and onion stuffing mixture of fate is rammed up the eternally unfrozen turkey of damnation", "As the grubby raincoat of time opens to reveal the upright Member of Parliament, and the categorical denial of destiny is swiftly followed by the resignation letter of fate", "As the wee-willy-winky of time pops out of the nightgown of eternity", "As the chill wind of time blows up the kilt of destiny, and the short-sighted octopus of fate attempts to mount the bagpipes of eternity", "As the little Jack Horner of time pulls out his plums of fate, and the little Tommy Tucker of destiny looks for a rhyme we can broadcast", "As the plastic cup of time fails to emerge from the vending machine of destiny, and the scalding coffee substitute of fate splashes onto the unsuspecting crotch of eternity", "As the false teeth of time come away in the Granny Smith of destiny, and the Grandpa Smith of fate decides he needs stronger dentifix", "As the 4x4 of destiny on the level crossing of fate, stalls in the path of the speeding freight train of doom, and the signalman of time rushes to fetch his camera", "As the hunter of time blasts the moose of destiny, and as the dairy counter worker of fate grabs the mop of destiny", "Lionel Blair & Christopher Biggins recently appeared on Stars in Their Eyes, where Lionel singing Maggie May came second to his old teammate. 105 of the best bad jokes He is key to the 50-year-old round One Song to the Tune of Another, whose highlights include performances such as Rob Brydon singing the theme from Spider-Man to Bring Him Home from Les Misrables, and the heroic tone-deafness of Jeremy Hardy. ", "Musical accompaniment will be provided by Colin Sell, who tells me he's thinking of branching out into artist management. I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue is a BBC radio comedy panel game. All rights reserved. . It reads: "When I heard Colin Sell playing the mouth organ, I rushed in just in time to catch his set. Most centred around his assistant and scorer, the ever-delightful Samantha. Fifty years on, Im Sorry I Havent a Clue is still in the same slot. Apparently, he's a vacuum cleaner salesman, and he's managed to get her the latest model. Quotations that certain celebrities would be most unlikely ever to say: Neil Kinnock To cut a long story short Jerry Springer Your private life is no concern of mine, David Attenborough No, pass me the BIG gun, John Humphrys No, no, please finish your point. Although Blair was heterosexual, his camp manner and balletic skills seeded a game of radio mime in which the punchlines alluded to gay sex. The 70th series of the multi-award-winning comedy panel game chaired by Jack Dee. Yours sincerely, Mrs. Trellis, North Wales, Dear David Dickinson, I can sum up why the BBC have your programme on TV every night in three words: Cheap As Chips. 2 days until dreams become reality. Also, Samantha was usually the instigator of these alleged events she was never taken advantage of and also, finally, she didnt exist. The matter was eventually settled by alternating her duties with Sven, an equally libidinous male. Someone told me, says Garden, that the BBC has a vault of programmes to be played in the case of nuclear war and Clue is among them., So the last thing Britons ever hear may be ingenious innuendo about Piers Morgan or Samantha? I found it very frustrating. Here is a compilatio. All episodes of I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue. "Dear Mr. Rees, I understand you're looking for suggestions for your 'Quote, Unquote' programme. Samantha has to nip off now as she's selling her seaside apartment. Suddenly, we had all these people people listening over the shows, says Naismith. They said yes, and threw him in the swimming pool. 72. "Psycho Killer" to the tune of "Save Your Love" (Linda Smith) 34. Now aged 103, Mr. Hinkler celebrated by repeating the event in October this yearand beat the train by seven and a half hours. Sometimes I wondered if producer Jon Naismith and I took too much advantage of his easygoing insouciance. Sometimes he would even read the stage directions. She says he's looking forward to showing her Cardiff and Cardigan Bay, before going on to Bangor in the back of his van. All rights reserved. Winter: the season when we try to keep . Missed ISIHAC on Monday so I only got to hear the latest Lionel Blair joke at lunchtime. 25 of Dara Briains best jokes and funniest quotes 49 of Monty Pythons funniest jokes 38 of the funniest Ron Swanson quotes that made Parks and Recreation unmissable List of Games On I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue - Late Arrivals (at A Society Ball) Late Arrivals (at A Society Ball) . So Id rehearse it one key and then, in the recording, put it up a bit higher to throw him.. As to his not being a comedian: that is also untrue. I think the Clue boys were quite pleased to have fresh people in Jan Ravens. Childhood - young gangster. He seems sure she's gonna make it big. I love it when you get four or five days of hot weather, because then people in Kent run out of water, dont they? 50 football jokes to make you laugh or groan ", "The area has become even more of a tourist attraction. It all started with an iconic wartime show called 'It's That Man Again' or. The comedian Jeremy Hardy has died, aged 57, leaving behind a legacy of formidable wit and humour. Its not every duck that becomes President. ", "Now listeners will be surprised to hear that pop legend Cliff Richard once insisted that Colin played in The Shadows but then, he's not a pretty sight in broad daylight. I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue is greatest radio comedy, says panel For his first 17 years as producer, says Naismith, he "was the only one to hear the show before it went out". You can't see the other half, because some fool has put a 700 foot bicycle wheel in the way. Certainly up there with "Ant looked on in horror as he went down with both hands on deck". , updated 100 best Christmas jokes and funniest festive season one-liners To claim that Humph didn't know what he was doing on Clue is, of course, complete nonsense. He also has problems with the words "stop", "that", "dreadful" and "racket". ", "This round is all about the ancient art of communication. ", "Samantha has to nip out now with her new gentleman friend. It didn't even occur to him that he was funny. Yes, Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world, she walks into. That's the problem with a knob gag: the next one only seems as funny if it's filthier. 30. 41 of the funniest quotes from The Good Place about life and death Jack Dee chairs the 77th series of the show. ISIHAC TOUR Stars In Their Ears Clue regulars Graeme Garden, Barry Cryer, Tim Brooke-Taylor, Jeremy Hardy and esteemed Chairman Humphrey Lyttelton play agame called Stars In Their Ears on the I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue 'best of' theatre tour. ", "The sound effects were acquired for us from the BBC archives by the lovely Samantha. I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue (BBC Radio 4, 11 April 1972- ) is a British radio comedy programme which describes itself as "the antidote to panel games". ", "Lewis Carroll started his journeys to China from Sunderland. mw963 Posts: 2,844. Samantha says he's keen to lay her up in the Orkneys", "Samantha has to nip out now to spend time with her new gentleman friend. From I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue, 1995. . On 13 April 2002, during a round of Uxbridge English Dictionary in which new definitions are given to old words Stephen Fry offered: Countryside to kill Piers Morgan.. Just off to work now dear. And at the Naturistss Ball, please welcome, if you will: Mr and Mrs Gleebits and their son, Dan, From Poland, Mr and Mrs Vestov and their very keen daughter, Eva, The Right Honorable Mr Knott-Snowing and his lovely daughter, Gladys. P.S. He said she was delighted to see his little firm won. One of the series other crucial personnel is Colin Sell the resident pianist since being recruited as a student in 1975. With news of a part he's been holding for her. In which the teams introduce the guests arriving at a society ball, this time from the construction industry: Will you welcome please, Mr and Mrs Cotter-Tiling and their son, Terry, And from Ireland, Mr and Mrs ODoors and their son, Paddy, Mr and Mrs Antilers and their son Rufus, Mr and Mrs Loadabricks and their son Laurie, Mr and Mrs Duz-Merchants and their son, Bill. Beloved comedian and writer Barry Cryer has passed away at the age of 86. 43 of the funniest Donald Trump jokes 50 of Milton Joness most ingenious jokes and one-liners ", "Samantha tells me she has to nip out to help an old man next door who has trouble using his stairlift. Famed for his brand of fed-up, bone-dry humour, few comics have shown an ability, or willingness, to fume at the mundanity of modern-day life like the 57-year-old. And then the Anthony Worrell-Thompson sausages. In November 2020, before the start of the latest series of the classic Radio 4 comedy panel show I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue, long-time panellist Barry Cryer, who has died aged 86, talked Radio . How to use Google Chromecast in Spain. P.S. Then, Samantha says, she likes to watch as he rips the paper strips and wax off for her", "It just occurred to me that Samantha hasn't given us the scoressince 1981. 'Wait while someone comes on with piece of cardboard.'". "Dear Mr Titchmarsh: This morning I went out to dig up some dandelions and a giant hogweed on my lawn. That was generally the case - except when I had the luxury of Humph's voice in my head. ", "Samantha was telling us before the show she's been visiting a nice gentleman racehorse owner in his stables recently. We could therefore, if required, defend the material, in that it could only appear filthy to someone with a dirty mind - so what were they complaining about? She particularly enjoys a rewarding poke in the country section. But we wouldnt get the repeat fees., 50 Years Without a Clue is on Radio 4 and BBC Sounds on 16 April at 8p. Ballykissangel. The programme was first aired on April 11th1972 and the signature tune ", "Samantha has to nip out now as she has a new gentleman friend. Here, concluding our series to mark the programmes 40th anniversary, are more of its most gloriously groan-worthy moments. Fortunately, this changed over the years, with the introduction of regular female guests including Victoria Wood (who had been identified as a future mainstay before she died at 62). ", "Samantha's popped out to visit an old gentleman friend of hers who's a notorious curmudgeon. 70. Dec 12, 2005. In which the panel translate the true meaning of that ignoble professions favourite soundbites: As the Honourable Member is perfectly aware, I have nothing to hide You bastard, how did you find out? Find many great new & used options and get the best deals for I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue Box Set Of 6 CD's Used at the best online prices at eBay! ", "Dear Rolf: They say a dog isn't just for Christmas. 30 of Romesh Ranganathans funniest jokes and quotes While the shows inventive innuendo is one of its great attractions for fans, the jokes are considered too rude or sexist for some. Let's move on. In 2005, when Garden and Naismith made plans for the first live tour (partly to supplement the paltry Radio 4 fees), the BBC tried to stop them, claiming copyright until legal advice said that neither the BBC nor Garden owned the show, which was not a format, but a series of formats. Are these jokes too smutty for Radio 4? Actually, listeners will be impressed to learn that back in the 60's, Colin asked Mick Jagger and Keith Richard if he could take the place of Brian Jones. 27 of Sarah Millicans laugh out loud jokes Barry Cryer, the much-loved British comedian and TV writer, has died at the age of 86 . I always thought rugby was dangerous. I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue: smuttiest jokes As BBC Radio 4 agrees not to tone down I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue, here are some of the show's smutty Samantha jokes over the past four decades . Thank Goodness he wasn't traveling to Nanking. "Dear Mr. Duggleby, Why, Why, Why, Why, Why, Why, Why, Why, Why, Why, Why, Why, Why, Why, Why, Why, Why, Why, Why does my typewriter always stick on the letter 'Y'?
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