my sons girlfriend doesn t like me my sons girlfriend doesn t like me
My problem started when I noticed that my son was getting close to her. Let other life situations, including their immaturity, test their relationship. But, subtle signs that people don't like you can also drive you nuts, making you feel paranoid. If the girl is "broken" in some way, he can be her hero or savior. Her parents don't care what they do. What she doesn't know won't hurt her, and so she can continue being the sweet, considerate future daughter-in-law and melt away your mother's disapproval with kindness in time. The demands are never for us except when his dad needed help lifting things for the house move. When You Don't Like Your Son's Girlfriend. In fact, I discovered later, the picture was taken several years earlier. But they don't like my girlfriend we had some issues in the beginning but I don't blame my girlfriend there were alot of outside interference. Afterward, half shut." If he wants private time with her which is an adult privilege, he needs to own up to that adult responsibility of having his own place. He messaged me the following morning and told us he had given his girlfriend an ultimatum as her ex partner was always going round to see his child. I'll love you no matter what." Civil towards her. she has anxiety issues and panic attacks and these are exacerbated by any contact with me. Not looking for serious work as she supports him with his dealing. I don't want to talk to my son. They're only driven by their biology and what feels good or what makes them feel "alive" which sadly, means drama. My son sent me tx message saying he was sorry that he lied to me! Do not be that bump! She's four years older than me. she is very disrespectful called me a bitch to my face, has went off on me in my home, has called my husband a motherfucker to his face and has changed my son for the worse. Luckily she moved in with a mutual friend and the younger child. He had told me during the long conversation that she didnt do family visits, doesn't speak to her only sister as she's jealous of her, She enjoys going out for expensive meals.He has since lost his job and is doing a course at Uni, we offered to help him out financially as much as we could afford, but to her that wasn't enough, she is high maintenance and has demanded money from us to pay her rent for him. He is experimenting with other personality types than those he has been used to dating. How can a man, my son, allow someone to treat me as such and why is it acceptable to him? Tell us what you love about her." The highs, the lows. Meanwhile--or otherwise--he could be attracted to her because she represents a totally different lifestyle than he has known. Never says hello, thank you, etc. I have addressed this too asking him to look after his body as it also makes me very allergic when even clothing is brought into the house with nicotine traces. This is the mother of your child and the mother of her grandchild. A theme like yours with a few simple tweeks would really make my blog stand out. It is hard to teach young ones that breaking up feels bad but it is better than breaking up when there is so much more at stake such as divorce and children. The other day I ran into the mother of my middle son's former girlfriend. Just love your son so he will never forsake you for anyone. he graduated from high school with honors and he earned his Bachelor's degree in Biology in 3 years (with honors). He also loves writing about his passions and hopes to change the world, 1 blog post at a time! A manipulative relationship can lead to intimacy, trust, respect, and security problems. I feel at a loss because my son and I have always been close until she came along. I messaged her and apologised twice and told her I was sorry and for the sake of my son please could we put all this misunderstanding behind us. Let her know that you gladly help support your "future wife" in her studies because you love her, you know she will be a great help to those she attends, and that she is anxious to help support the family financially as well. Are you protesting this relationship? What could they have in common other that sex? Offer him counselingeven couples counseling before they walk down the aisle. When he does come by to grab closes he says hello mom and closea the door in my face. #533: Can I bar my son's unlikeable girlfriend from family events? Whenever I would tell my son anything, he then went back and told her about it. This is my first post and I'm really hoping for some advice. For young kids who haven't found healthy activities that provide the thrill (sports, academia, art, music, volunteering, positive social relationships), they subconsciously seek out experiences to feel the rush through emotional turmoil, drama, drinking, and drugs. My son has turned all care of my grandson over to her and she is neglecting him horribly. Your son is always a victim of the blame game. His Grandparents are elderly and it's unfair that they are having to go through this again. Say nothing critical or they will resent you. One day, he asked me through text messages to give him $20 because he's going out with his friends to eat out. My girlfriend does not live with me either as she is studying at a distant college. Now they want to get MARRIED!!!!! The reality is that no matter what I did or you do, this girlfriend whoever she is, is there for a reason in your life. At first we got along but then we discovered she steals thingsshe lies.and we no longer trust her in our home. If you continue to "keep away" from them, they will blame her for that so try not to stay away. It's clear our son spends a great deal of time and energy taking care of his girlfriend and making her feel secure and content, although she is rarely content for long. I feel bad about my son lying to me of her. She translates your disapproval of the relationship as a rejection of her. My heart feels broken into a million pieces.please help me understand if Im doing something wrong. Get off to a good start by striking up friendly conversation and demonstrating your genuine desire to know her better. Always communicating and bonding with his siblings and grandparents. I can't support this relationship any more and he doesn't get it! I am terrified that I won't know where my son is and what he's doing. I didn't smother her with love just showed her that she was special. Now he is staying gone and won't have anything to do with me. She didn't say anything at the time. 6. we will never accept her we just don't know what to do. People tell that hate is a strong word but there is no other way to describe how. Physical abuse and aggressive language are obvious signs parents should notice instantly. So when he graduated she "supported" him by prostituting I believe - because after I found out that she would be in my home whenever my husband and I were at work, I put him out. I find it useful,I have four son one came home with a girl who will never say hi to me when he first start'ed going out with her, I always said hi some time she will just be looking at me, and my son will be there when she is doing this,this is my first son, now my #2 son will tel his girlfriend not to talk to me when he has problem with me even now he send his graduation invitation to his girl friend and a friend, when she see will also not say hi,how can I understand this ,I care for this children when their father left when they were babys is this what I get for 26years, please help me. It will drive him away like it did with us. The same with the girlfriend! My ex-husband and I have both assisted my son during the custody battle with financial matters. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical examination, diagnosis and formal advice. He ended up in the psych center twice, cops wold get called to my house while I'd be at work, he dropped out of school due to the constant drama. It sounds as though you've built your relationship on very solid foundational reasons for liking your girlfriend: she has amazing traits (kindness, humility) and she loves your children like her own. It's no longer about what you want for him or what you think is best for him. This is why it's essential to listen to the people who know you best and love you most (like your siblings . Sing her praises but not in a way that will make your mother feel less or feel jealous. 6. Confronting them will not likely end well. My heart just breaks. He doesn't have to meet your approval or work against it. He always say "no or I don't have girlfriend" whenever I ask him questions like that. I have just read through some of your postings and it has brought tears to my eyes. Contact: 0208 296 9620 We ask them to come in to discuss this and the mother will not even sit down. Please give me an advise. His father and I have tried to reason with both of them. Some first loves are destined to be "the one" while others eventually dissolve as each person involved matures. We need to reflect on his relationship with his family prior to this relationship with this girl. This way, he'll learn quick that you are not controlling or directing his choices. Her hurt will only add to the mess. Adult son and controlling girlfriend - City-Data We moved to a different town to be closer to aging parents, and he continued to drive an hour and a half every day to see her (he would go after/before his job). What kind of life is that? I felt two yrs ago there would be an issue with this girl and her family and it is so bad right now. On occasion when I see her, I am always the one to say hello (I was raised right). A monkey with a banana ran up and grabbed one of my kitties, slung him under its arm and ran away. Your email address will not be published. Her parents welcome your son because she is an only child and it is like gaining a second child, a son they never had. He will want to make his "own" decisions. Invasive or insensitive questions about the relationship, her personal life, or her background. For the first 8 months we got along very well. I feel for you because sometimes it isn't our fault at all but what is going on in their own heads. Talking to your son about sex is scary enough but talking to him about what and when it is okay to touch someone and when it's not can be even harder. It's a hormone thing in many people. I feel so hurt and don't know what to do. I say then support the girlfriend don't put up with ugly behavior from your son towards women. He sold the Camaro he had(that he owed money to his older brother for and used what he got for it to put more towards the new 2016 car he purchased for his girlfriends parents). He began to see our points, and he broke up with this girl. Her clothing, car, finances, education, family background, and hobbies are compatibility matters for your son to think about. My son was with a girl we did not approve of and he even planned on marrying her. I could immediately tell from the type of pictures she had on her social media accounts and the tings that she would say that she was not someone I wanted for my son. His Dad advised him that telling Mom doesnt necessarily mean acceptance from Mom on the relationship.I am really struggling with how to handle this! Lori Phillips (author) from Southern California USA on September 22, 2013: Dear Concerned, I am sorry to hear of your grave situation. It's been a year now that I noticed this one girl, I think she's 15 or 16 yrs old, always come to our house to pet my dog. You see he is rescuing her from anxiety depression and anorexia, due to his EQ. I'm at a loss over what to do about my 23 year old son's older "fiance". Questions about her commitment or plans for the relationship. The ages of both your son and is girlfriend makes it really hard to get through. It's important not to judge the girl or he will rush to her defense. It actually felt good just to vent and get another opinion! You have had decades with him while she has had only a year or so. It is not uncommon for both men and women to want to rescue someone. To do it for her would only weaken her and it would only be temporary. enlightenment yoga in astrology; frangible bullet wound. And now that he is lying to me and looks like he's protecting her from me, I feel so betrayed! Her family is unstable and made crazy comments to Scarlet and about us. To pat -- Its YOUR house, you lovingly but firmly must set the rules. He chose a young girl over his own family knowing she disrespected me. My adult sons girlfriend hates me (jealous, father, person, member Everyone has value. Chances are he's going to keep being abusive to his girlfriends until he chooses to change. The woman has started expressing dislike for my three year old grandson. She's shy and has said she doesn't like how she looks, she doesn't like taking pictures is what she said. In fact, if you have been too controlling throughout his upbringing, expect that this will be a time for him to establish his own independence. Although it is disheartening, it also gives me a sense of support - as this subject has been one that has been very difficult to handle for the past 2 years in my house. By the time he graduated (6 mos later), they spend almost every day together (entirely at her home since we wouldn't let them stay in the basement and "make-out" all the time. He teacher shared that the girlfriend gets really impatient with him when she drops him off or picks him up and stated she has yet to meet my son, the father. Re-establish your bond with them. My son is 16 and his girlfriend is 17. It has been a hard journey for me but now you have given me the hope on this and more importantly, actions to execute to ensure this does not get worse anymore. It sounds as though she has problems and your son might have his own self-esteem issues so that he feels better than she is, that he doesn't deserve better or that he can help/save her. If they are meant to be together, there is nothing you can do about it. We were trying to give him support until he found his first professional job. Is there anything else we can do or are we taking the wrong approach? The thing was I had purchased most of those outfits for my grandson who is three and was starting headstart within that month, so I knew they weren't her childs. We both enjoyed the same things and had so much to talk about, we became friends pretty quickly before that and it just kinda spiraled into us dating. Tell him that you want him to be sure about this decision. Thank YOU for posting. "She is such a hard worker.". I pointed out that she will get you to pay for both of her kids and any she has for you. Be open to his girlfriend. He wants to be her champion. Whenever I see my son, I know he's been with her because his clothes smell like a forest fire. He told her and then called me later to tell me that she was highly offended and never wanted me to do their laundry again and that all of that clothing belonged to her son. Sometimes, there is no way to save your loved one from his mistakes (and life is for learning and one tends to learn best through making mistakes). Many things are said that night including how the mother feels the kids should be able to make their own decisions and how her and her husband met in high school and are still together. While I still stand behind my suggestions in the article, there are times when you have to make a choice between risking a relationship with your son or having to standby helplessly to watch him suffer. it really bothers the family cuz we thought we brought our son up with the understanding that family comes first that you never bring trash in your family and take up for your family! For instance, impose curfew hours in your home. The girl was sitting on the couch while my son sitting on the floor in between the girl's legs. Get on the same page with your significant other. And father. In turn that left us having to beat on the door asking her to please get up and leave. Cowboys Draft Longhorns LB: 'They Love My Effort!' My son started dating her while she was still pregnant. NOW is the time to be very, very careful in his choice. Her family were disgusted with her, they gave her money each month to subsidise her wages. This is not a matter of "getting along" with his girlfriend. Parenting reaches a whole new level of complications when your precious little boy becomes aware of their sexual feelings. I have relived the last 1-1/2 years over and over in my mind. I apologize for not checking in to respond to these comments (deaths in family and other medical issues). This content is accurate and true to the best of the authors knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional. First, examine your own ways. She might behave in ways that he wishes he could or at least in ways that seem very different from his perhaps sheltered life. To Roxanne: Yours is an extreme example of how tough it is to cope with your son't girlfriend. My eldest son is a well educated child, good exam results, excellent uni then he started a relationship with a woman and it totally changed him.